OK, kiddies, here is today's news quiz.

What do Joe Biden, Mitch McConnell and Joe Gelarden have in common?

On the surface, it is evident this trio is not composed of aging heart throbs and physical fitness icons. The numbers predict we are unlikely to last past the next 10-15 years or so.

This trio has been visited by the most likely and least talked about, but serious affliction that accompanies senior citizens. I am not talking about cancer, heart disease, or toe fungus. The trio have all tripped, slipped, lost balance, and discovered what concrete feels like when you get right down to it.

We have learned the 46th president has fallen several times, including tripping on a sandbag while handing out diplomas at the Air Force Academy. This year, the Republican Senate leader has succumbed to gravity several times including times when he fell, fractured a rib and another when he did a face plant at an airport.

I joined their club on a dark summer night when the light failed to help me navigate my way out of the garage. I was almost to the door when Mr. Stupid tripped over the lawnmower and discovered just how far an old man can bounce off a concrete floor.

That was when I joined Joe and Mitch as a slip-and-fall statistic.

We are not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, falls are the leading cause of injury and death for those over 65. In 2020, more than 36,000 died from a fall. Falls caused 3,000,000 of us to visit the hospital emergency department, incurring $50 billion in medical costs.

The CDC says one in four seniors fall every year. Here in Maine, where many of our neighbors collect Social Security, more than 80,000, almost 30% of our population, suffered from a fall in 2020.

I will let the politicians, pundits and prognosticators speculate on what it means for the nation when our elderly political leaders fall frequently. I can attest it is not fun for those who do.

Joe, Mitch and Joe G. are in their 80s.

Unlike them, this is the first time I remember falling when I was not wearing ice skates or navigating an icy path on one of the Land Trust’s forest preserves.

But I remember laying on the concrete floor and thinking (and hoping) that I had not busted my noggin or cracked a hip. And I can distinctly recall saying, to no one in particular, Dummy, if you had replaced that light bulb a month ago, you might not be on the floor.

The next day, my pal, a retired doctor, came over and assessed the damage. Then he smiled and said in his best professional voice: Bet that hurts. Put ice on it. The swelling will go down in the next six weeks or so. He suggested I engage in one of the oldest medical remedies of all. He called it the “Tincture of Time.”

A couple of weeks later, he suggested it might not be a bad idea if I drove to the emergency department to see if I developed a blood clot in my left leg. I followed his hint, and while waiting for test results, one of my sons called my smartphone and asked where I was.

When I fessed up, he gave me the dickens for failing to let him know I had been injured. Not that he could have done anything, as he lived a thousand miles away. Then he handed the phone to his wife, my beloved daughter-in-law, and she continued the lecture.

They were right, of course. I know they care about me. I was wrong. I guess I didn’t tell them about the fall because I was embarrassed it happened in the first place.

The wife of a pal, who is rehabbing a busted hip, suggested I should get some sort of device to let others know if I should fall – again.

Her suggestion made sense. So the other day, I went down to the Portland Apple store and bought a modern version of Dick Tracy’s wrist radio. It not only tells time and nags at you when you sit in a chair for too long, but it also notifies officials and relatives when you fall and can’t get up. It also will tell them if you crashed the car and where it happened.

So, along with aches and pains, and body parts that no longer function, I now have a gadget that might keep me safe for a few more years.

As for aging political leaders prone to falling, maybe it is time for them to pass the torch to the next generation.

Surely, the next generation won't mess things up any more than we did.

Right?