Survivors 'Talk About It' during Domestic Abuse Awareness Month

Emotional, financial, sexual, and post-separation abuse will be among the topics of community conversation in the Finding Our Voices”Let’s Talk About It Tour” coming to Bangor, South Portland, Portland, Biddeford, and Falmouth during October’s Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. 

The October tour stops feature varying panels of up to eight Maine women survivors of domestic abuse publicly sharing their stories and leading community conversations, according to Finding Our Voices CEO and Founder Patrisha McLean.  The events are free and open to the public. They run for 90 minutes, are preceded by short films, and followed by refreshments and an opportunity for one-on-one conversations. 

Oct. 1, 4 p.m.  Finding Our Voices launches Domestic Abuse Awareness Month with a presentation at Eastern Maine Community College in Bangor.  McLean noted that Dr. Elizabeth True, EMCC Vice-President of Student Affairs, is a board member of the grassroots and survivor-powered nonprofit that is dedicated to breaking the silence of domestic abuse in Maine.  The Bangor event is in EMCC’s library on the second floor of Katahdin Hall.

Subsequent tour stops include Oct. 9, 6 p.m., at Southern Maine Community College; Oct. 24, 6:30 p.m., at the Maine Irish Heritage Center in Portland; and Oct. 26, 10 a.m., at the Falmouth Memorial Library, with Yarmouth's Memorial Public Library signed on as a co-sponsor of that event.  Lead sponsors of these events are Bangor Savings Bank in Bangor, Kennebec Savings Bank in South Portland, M&T Bank in Portland, and Back Cove Financial in Falmouth. 

McLean said her sister-survivors joining her on the panels "are bravely going public about the worst time in their lives, to help girls and women have an easier time of it than they did and also to educate the general public as to how complicated and insidious domestic abuse is.” McLean said topics of discussion include advice on what to do and say when you suspect a friend or loved one is in an unhealthy or dangerous intimate partner relationship. 

The “Let’s Talk About It Tour” launched two years ago at the Scarborough Public Library. The 30 Finding Our Voices, survivor-led presentations since then include to medical students at University of New England, public libraries from Millinocket to York, the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens in Boothbay,  and the remote islands of Frenchboro, Isle au Haut, and Matinicus onboard the Sunbeam with the Maine Seacoast Mission. 

October panelists include Caroline McKuen whose pastor responded “I’ll pray for him” when she approached him in desperation after discovering criminal sexual and financial abuse by her pious husband; Mary Lou Smith of Scarborough who was 65 year old when she escaped 43 years of being terrorized by her college professor husband;  former Portland TV news anchor Jeannine Oren;  and Bethany McIness whose ex has gotten steadily scarier to her family and community across 30 years of puffball criminal sentencing for his domestic violence crimes.

Tiffany Pacin and Deborah Gould are among the panelists discussing same-sex domestic abuse. Dr. Kerry Roarke will talk about how her ex-husband controlled the finances even while she was the only one bringing in a salary.  

Local law enforcement join the presentations, both to hear from survivors how they were helped and hindered by their departments, and also to provide an overview of the domestic violence situation in their community. McLean said that police and sheriffs participating in the group’s events almost always express frustration with lax prosecution and sentencing of domestic abusers. 

Also during Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, acclaimed author Andre Dubus lll is joining the online Finding Our Voices Book Club Tuesday, Oct. 8 at 6 p.m. Dubus will talk about the domestic abuse that runs through so many of his books, from 1999’s "House of Sand and Fog" to 2023’s "Such Kindness,” and respond to questions and comments. This online event is free, and exclusively for women. To join, reach out directly to McLean at hello@findingourvoices.net.

Patrisha McLean started the statewide, survivor-powered movement that is Finding Our Voices following the domestic violence arrest of her then-husband of 29 years, Don “American Pie” McLean.  “We are here to fill in the enormous gaps in Maine,” she said, "for services, programs, money, advocacy, and a feeling of community, for women domestic abuse survivors. We are here to give first person accounts on how no one chooses to be abused, that domestic abuse is complicated, and there are all kinds of valid reasons for 'not leaving'. We also provide the crime victim’s perspective as to how decarceration and reformative justice when applied to domestic abusers is endangering not only the women who are the primary targets of controlling and psychopathic men, but also children, police, and the general public."

“Let’s Talk About It” is also the title of McLean’s podcast that is conversations with survivors of domestic abuse. This podcast has just been picked up by the Portland community radio station WMPG. 

Finding Our Voices is perhaps best known for its poster campaign featuring McLean’s black and white photo portraits of 45 Maine survivors, along with a quote referencing their transcendence of abuse. Poster survivor-stars include Governor Janet T. Mills, an incarcerated woman, business owners, and students, and range in age from 18 to 84.

 In addition to bold, survivor-powered public awareness, Finding Our Voices provides tangible and meaningful assistance to women and children survivors. This includes the Get Out Stay Out Fund that averages $12,000 a month in payments for shelter, car, legal, home security, legal, and food costs; the Finding Our Smiles program of free, dignified, and gold-standard dental treatment; and online support groups. For more information about Finding Our Voices including its October events, visit https://findingourvoices.net or contact McLean directly at hello@findingourvoices.net