Have you ever wondered why your dog licks your face obsessively? What about growling at the door in the middle of the night when there's nothing there? Throwing up in the bathroom so you step in it? Humping stuffed toys and people? Sniffing dog butt?

These things remain largely mysteries. Experts think it's because dogs can't speak English. Or any other Biped language for that matter. Wonder no more. Here is your chance to get all the answers to these timeless questions directly from the dog's mouth. Despite hating your guts, Auggie has relented and produced the following blog in hopes of bridging the gap between Biped and Canine stupidity.

So get yourself a cup of hot chocolate or a pint of ether with a rag and check out "DOG ADVICE FOR BIPEDS" by Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury.

-Don (Not a Dog)

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