I must let you know that after drinking three whiskeys in under 20 minutes I cannot feel physical pain. Emotional pain however, is magnified by 263% as determined by a scale I just made up called "The Brandenberg Ratio."

It is with that in mind that I say lots of you (Phoebe from 'We Love Hate Mail') wrote me last month saying that my last missive "Contemporary Boothbay Region Folklore for Dummies" was even more terrible than usual. Even for me.

Excuse me for trying to widen my writing style. Excuse me for giving you free entertainment. Excuse me for being a misogynist and secret Bob Crane admirer. Excuse me for passing out watching "Rat Patrol" on MeTV at 1am with only a wet towel from the shower around my loins, long after Liana has gone to sleep and yelled at me to "Turn that damn TV down!!!" three times.

In this Blog, Fudgie explains why Auggie is his best buddy and why he loves him so much. He also goes on at length about his favorite toy, The Yeti. Did you know that I share the same belly, overbite, and eye color with The Yeti? BTW, if you look closely, you'll see I'm wearing a "Schrute Beet Farms" baseball hat in that photo. Let me assure you the hat is as awesome as you would imagine.

So get yourself a cup of hot chocolate and NOT drink a bottle of isopropyl alcohol so you won't go blind and can therefore click on "MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!" by Marzipan Fin Tin Limb Bin Bus Stop F'tang F'tang Ole Biscuit Barrel AKA Fudgie.

Now go fetch me a Dirty Martini.
Bob Crane Dirty.

-Don (Not a Dog)

And PLEASE let us know if your dog liked them!

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