Well, pilgrims, not much happened last week, except for the lovely community supper at the East Boothbay Methodist Church.

Not much, unless you count the “great TV” performance where it looked like the USA switched sides, blaming the Ukrainians for starting the Russian invasion.

For the record, as I write this missive, I am not wearing a suit. Oh, yes, I still have a couple hanging in the closet next to my old USMC uniform, but they are covered in dust. I hope you won’t mind my attire as I echo the example of the semi-assistant president, Elon Musk, who wears a T-shirt and a ball cap in the Oval Office during official meetings.

As you know, the Muskian minions sent notes to federal workers telling them to send in a list of the five top things they did last week or be fired.

Fair enough. We all should be accountable, and heaven knows federal bureaucrats and brass hats should be too. So here are my top five major accomplishments of last week. Not so fast, I am thinking. I’ll get there.

First, I spent time figuring out how to unfreeze the garage door. No, it was not the big overhead door. It was the regular door sitting under the overhang where the ice melted, puddled around the bottom, and was frozen. I think Mother Nature did it to keep me home for a couple of days. The solution was to deploy a hammer and a stick of leftover wood purloined from the pile stashed under the basement workbench. Did I mention the melting ice also turned the walkway into a skating rink that was slicker than a (never mind). So, I pulled on my heavy walking boots with the metal ice thingies, navigated the ice rink without falling, set the wood block against the bottom of the door, grabbed the door handle, turned it to the open position, and hammered the wood against the door until the door opened.

Second, I fired up the car, grabbed the trash, and headed for the dump. Along the way, I stopped at the public works facility and helped myself to a partial bucket of sand, then motored to the post office and the grocery store, where the eggs still sell at almost $8 a dozen.

Note to Musk’s myrmidons seeking fraud, etc. Please don’t fire all the postal workers. They are doing good work. FYI: the USPS unveiled a cool app on my phone that lets me know when there is mail (bills mostly) in my P.O. box. You can get that free app at the Post Office.

After that, I came home, spread sand on the ice rink near the garage door, ate lunch and, most importantly, took a nap.

Third, on Tuesday and Wednesday, I joined my pals for bridge in a feeble attempt to keep our elderly brain cells from atrophying. We also discussed various deadly ailments and other medical issues affecting our friends and relatives while waltzing down the lane, killing time, and waiting for God to pass judgment on our imperfect lives.

Fourth, I scored a B plus in the kitchen Thursday, fixing tacos and a batch of chocolate chip cookies. I also did the laundry, vacuumed the rugs, and made a feeble attempt to move the dust around a bit.

Fifth, On Friday, I witnessed a political bombshell as it looked like we switched sides in the Ukrainian war. We saw a group of senior senators (both R and D) praise the Ukrainian president for standing up to the Russian dictator who invaded his nation, bombed the snot out of it, and murdered his citizens by the thousands. A few hours later, he was kicked out of the White House after arguing with POTUS during a TV live shot.

The same GOP senators who earlier praised him, switched sides, blaming him for disrespecting his host when he refused to kowtow, roll over, play dead, and sell his people down the river. Talk about blaming the victim. Note to readers: The AP and Reuters news services were not allowed to cover the TV event. But, somehow, a Russian state news service guy from TASS was allowed in the room with POTUS et al. The good news is that he was escorted out. FYI, if you visit the White House, you learn they don’t just let everybody in without clearance. For all the administration’s claims proclaiming freedom of speech and the press, the White House press office limited access to the AP because they declined to obey the POTUS executive order renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. Now, that is a cheesy attempt to control the press.

In closing, yes, dear Ruth, I haven't lost my touch at cookie baking, everything is still just fine.