Stalking. According to stalkingawareness.org, in the U.S. alone, 6-7.5 million people — one in three women and one in six men — experience stalking each year; 50% say they were stalked before age 25. And here’s a statistic to remember: Only 25% of them were stalked by a stranger. 

With those statistics, it’s probable someone you know has been victimized by a stalker — a friend, family member, neighbor, or perhaps even you.

The U.S. Department of Justice defines stalking as “a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety, the safety of others, or suffer substantial emotional distress." State law describes a "reasonable person” as “a hypothetical person in society who exercises care, skill, and judgment in conduct, and who serves as a comparative standard for determining liability.”

Law enforcement and support agencies including New Hope Midcoast (NHM) and Finding Our Voices (FOV) are always ready to help. NHM reported these statistics: 297 clients were stalked between January 2023 and December 2024. Of these, 263 were women, 20 were men, five were other genders and nine were marked “unknown” by the advocate speaking to them and 10 shared they were members of the LGBTQ+ community.

As anyone who has been stalked knows full well, stalkers instill fear. Let’s be clear about what behaviors accomplish this: Repeated unwanted phone calls and messages that may or may not include obscene and/or threatening messages, trespassing — and making sure their victim knows about it, vandalizing property. Some stalkers carry weapons and will be sure their victim knows this. They secretly track their victim using GPS by using the location services on cell phones and attaching devices to the undercarriage of the victim’s vehicle. Stalkers “cyber”-stalk through email, posting on a victim’s Facebook and social media accounts; and by repeatedly calling and texting.

The types of stalking callers reported to advocates answering NHM’s toll free, 24-hour hotline, 1-800-522-3304, bear out the information on the national Stalking Prevention Awareness and Resource Center (SPARC) website. There, the forms of stalking reported are: Surveillance (following someone, misusing technology to monitor them, etc.), life invasion (unwanted contact, showing up where someone is, harassing their family and friends, attempting to or breaking into their home), interference (sabotaging them financially or at work, running them off the road, attacking them physically, harming their reputation), and intimidation (threatening someone, property damage, leaving gifts or symbols of their presence, threatening to harm themselves or others). 

NHM hotline advocates create safety plans with each caller after evaluating their situation and make sure all callers know what is available to help them and their family – including reporting to the police when warranted.

An email from NHM directors states, “We have great working relationships with many of the law enforcement agencies in our catchment area. We work especially closely with the Boothbay Harbor Police Department and the Lincoln County Sheriff's Office. Both agencies often refer clients to us, share domestic violence arrest reports, and understand how dangerous stalking behavior is.”

In reviewing domestic violence homicides, NHM has consistently found that offenders use several high-risk tactics, which advocates and board members refer to as “The Five S’s” before committing homicide: Strangulation, sexual assault, serial battering, suicidality, and stalking. “In our core training for new staff and volunteers we spend a great deal of time highlighting the importance of listening for any of these behaviors when we talk to survivors, and then safety planning accordingly. Stalking was something that used to seem relatively minor compared to physical assault but we have since learned that it is a very dangerous behavior linked to homicidality. –NHM

BOX: Stalking victims suffer much higher rates of depression, anxiety, insomnia, and social dysfunction than people in the general population. According to stalkingawareness.org: 46% of stalking victims fear not knowing what will happen next; 29% fear it will never stop; one in eight employed stalking victims lose time from work –bmore than half lose five days or more; and one in seven stalking victims moves as a result of their victimization.

Members of law enforcement are trained to assess the threat posed for intervention before violence occurs. Officer Zachary Barry of Boothbay Harbor Police Department said he received extensive domestic violence training while attending Academy. “We went over every type of domestic violence situation officers can encounter over three to four days. It’s (domestic violence) a big focus at the Academy. We have scenario training – for one week with other law enforcement agents as the actors – and field training, too,” Barry said.

How many cases have there been in Lincoln County over the past year? Domestic Violence Investigator Det. Matt Ryan shares information from the 2024 incidence report: 52 arrests related to domestic violence, including 13 cases of stalking, most of which were related to domestic violence. Ten resulted in arrests. And of the three others, one was a false report and the other two had insufficient evidence to support the charges.

“The most common thing that we're seeing for stalking is usually a case where domestic violence of some kind has already occurred and the person has previously been arrested for that domestic violence conduct,” said Detective Ryan, “or it (stalking) happened along with the domestic violence.”

Ryan explained in order to have someone arrested on stalking charges there must be a "course of conduct," defined as two or more acts which cause a reasonable person to feel fear or that instills fear, causes emotional distress, and fear of consequences to them.

An example of this would be a woman taking a new route to work because her abuser would always be parked somewhere on the road she traveled to work, knowing she would see them. This type of behavior, noted Det. Ryan, is significant because “inconvenience” is in the statute, making it “pretty easy” to get two or more incidents.

“Lets say there’s a domestic violence assault, misdemeanor assault, and a person is arrested and brought to jail,” said Det. Ryan. “And let's say from the jail the individual decides to call his victim. So now, not only do we have what will likely be a violation of that person's conditions of release (no contact, direct or indirect, with their victim), now there are two acts clearly meant to cause this victim emotional distress and inconvenience.”

Another scenario might involve continuous texting or commenting on a victim’s Facebook photos, particularly, said Ryan, if the couple had been in a long term relationship. Or, the stalker will make comments about that former partner on their own Facebook page, which, as Ryan noted, is not an illegal behavior. "But when we can articulate that that behavior is clearly meant to cause the victim distress, potentially we're getting into stalking territory. And I'd say people most often get into that territory with the social media. People, especially if they've been drinking, and they're feeling angry, get online and they go after people.”

Domestic violence calls are hard for every officer and detective. Ryan deals with these types of cases to a greater degree than other deputies and acknowledged cases "take a certain toll (on you) after a while and the hardest cases are the ones involving children."

“Everybody's got a different way of kind of dealing with these cases," Ryan said. “We're the good guys, we're trying to help people. The hardest cases are ones involving children. I like to feel I’m helping some of these victims; and frankly, sometimes it doesn't always feel that way. Sometimes it doesn't work out the way that we want it to work out. But for me, personally, as long as I am professional, do everything to the best of my ability, and everything I do is based on evidence and probable cause, I can sleep at night.”

Sometimes people will call Det. Ryan and share some information, bu they’re not really sure about what they want to do. For these callers, he makes sure to give them contact information for New Hope Midcoast and Finding Our Voices. Deputies, too, have the handouts produced by the organizations, to give out when answering a call about possible domestic violence and related behaviors.

“New Hope and (Finding Our) Voices can help them with things that we can't help them with. I know the Boothbay Harbor Police also do a very good job, and Chief (Doug) Snyder is also a domestic violence investigator so he is also very well-versed in domestic violence. I work with him a lot. Damariscotta's Police Chief Jason Warlick is another we work with a lot, and NHM. It's a team approach.”

“I would say once or twice a month we get calls related to stalking,” said Snyder. “These reports of stalking have been on Facebook and social media, or a caller feels there have been too many ‘coincidences’ … and those are the tricky ones, the coincidences. People do remember what time of day it was and where (it occurred). We always recommend writing down the information.”

Remember: You cannot control the behavior of a stalker, but there are actions you can, and should, take to protect yourself. Keep a record of the dates, times and types of stalking you experience as well as all technology-based communication, from email to social media platforms. This information is invaluable for both the authorities and you. And – trust your instincts.

At NHM advocates might suggest a caller report their concerns to law enforcement or seek a Protection from Abuse Order; help callers develop individualized safety plans that they can use to stay safe at home, in the community, and at work or school. Lastly but perhaps most importantly, advocates offer support and validation. Stalking behavior is not only a very real sign of a dangerous abuser, it is often hard to prove and can leave the survivor feeling like they are imagining things or overreacting. NHM’s trained staff and volunteers can help callers recognize that they are not alone and that their fear is warranted.

Finally, because 25% of stalkers are strangers, here is a national domestic violence database listing convicted stalkers and those found guilty of domestic violence in any form: https://domesticviolencedatabase.net/registry_me/

Previous articles related to stalking:

https://www.boothbayregister.com/article/spyware-what-you-don-t-know-can-hurt-you/47836

https://www.boothbayregister.com/article/spyware-peace-mind-or-violation-privacy/45613