The topic of domestic abuse often evokes images of violence between young or middle-aged partners, however, abuse is frequently used against people of all ages including elders. All of the forms of power and control that abuse often takes can easily be leveraged to control or take advantage of elderly parents, partners, and dependents. 

What is the cause of elder abuse? Despite our large aging population (i.e., baby boomers), the US unfortunately remains a bastion of ageism, particularly as compared with some other developed countries. Ageism is the belief that people in different age cohorts should be differently entitled and that some (like the old and the very young) have fewer rights and less value than others.   

Commonly held beliefs about people over 60 include: 

• They are a burden 

• Their bodies are not physically attractive or strong  

• Their skills and talents are obsolete  

• They are uninteresting   

• They contribute nothing to society  

• They are senile  

• They are bad drivers  

• They can’t learn “tech” stuff   

• They are not interested in or entitled to romance or sexuality  

These erroneous and ill-informed cultural attitudes depict elders as a homogeneous social group, largely defined by negative stereotypes. Moreover, they encourage people who seek power and control over elders to strip them of agency and dignity, to dehumanize them. This is abuse. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “approximately one in 10 people aged 60 and older who live at home experience abuse, including mistreatment and exploitation.” Elder abuse takes all the same forms as other kinds of domestic abuse. It can be emotional, physical, sexual, or financial. Often seen in the context of an intimate relationship, elder abuse can also be perpetrated by family members or even trusted friends. Abuse may include: keeping a person isolated, withholding needed medications or aids, denying them privacy or surveilling them, lying to friends or family who ask concerned questions, hurting them, stealing or wasting their money, using and abusing their homes and possessions, neglecting or abusing their pets, coercing them to have sex or shaming them for consensual sexual activity, denying foods, entertainment, or spiritual practices that bring comfort and enjoyment, not allowing them to access their own money, or to drive or travel. All of these are abuse.   

Happily, many people do enjoy a robust and comfortable old age, but those with health problems, mobility issues, or who are isolated may suffer. Substance use, mental illness, age-related dementia, and estrangement from grown children can foster isolation. According to the American Psychological Association, “vulnerability to ageism in old age is associated demographically with being a woman, living alone, and having a poor health status.” LGBTQ+ elders may be more vulnerable as a result of caregiver or institutional bias. Moreover, due to ageism, older Americans are often on the receiving end of disdain and dismissive treatment from healthcare providers, courts, financial institutions, clergy, potential employers, and others which can lock them into cycles of isolation, enabling opportunistic abusers.     

Things we can all do to look out for elders in our families and communities:   

• Pay attention. Listen and create an atmosphere safe for disclosure. Keep the lines of communication open and help elders avoid being isolated or dependent on one caregiver.  

• Interrogate our internal biases about age and aging and view the elderly as whole and valued citizens.  

• Support caregivers. Overburdened and overstressed caregivers can fall into abusive patterns from frustration and their own sense of isolation. Caregiving is not a highly valued activity in our society, and there are few resources for those who must do this necessary work. If you know someone who seems overwhelmed, offer to help if you are able. Drop off a meal, stop for a visit, take their elder relative or partner for an appointment or to a movie so they can have some personal time. Help them find support through agencies and systems they may not know about (many are listed below). In short, give them the support you would appreciate if you were in their shoes. 

• Be on the lookout for telltale signs of financial abuse: ATM withdrawals by an older person who has never used a debit or ATM card; a new joint account suddenly opened; new credit cards in their name with balances; checks written as loans or gifts to someone the family doesn’t know; or new powers of attorney the person doesn’t seem aware of. It warrants investigation if an older person hints that a caregiver makes them feel intimidated. Ask who holds their power of attorney and if they are comfortable with that arrangement. Ask what kind of help would be most appreciated. Finally, you can help direct them to other resources that may be able to provide specific types of support.  

Some Resources for Seniors, Caregivers, and Concerned Others:  

New Hope Midcoast 

https://newhopemidcoast.org/ 

Call our helpline if you or someone you know needs support from any kind of domestic abuse, including elder abuse.  

Adult Protective Services  

https://www.maine.gov/dhhs/oads/get-support/aps 

Maine Long Term Care Ombudsman Program  

https://www.maineombudsman.org/ 

For support in navigating concerns around institutional care of elders.  

Legal Resources for Maine Elders 

https://mainelse.org/ 

When an attorney is necessary to help sort out the fallout from abuse, particularly financial abuse.  

Spectrum Generations 

https://www.spectrumgenerations.org/ 

For holistic support in improving seniors’ quality of life.  

Kno-Wal-Lin 

https://maineseniorguide.com/member/kno-wal-lin-home-care-hospice/ 

For assistance with in-home care of elders.  

Maine Council on Elder Abuse Prevention 

https://elderabuseprevention.info/ 

For more information and resources on protecting elders.  

Advocates at New Hope Midcoast are available round-the-clock at 1-800-522-3304 to support and listen to victim-survivors and concerned others across the region. 

 New Hope Midcoast is one of Maine’s Regional Domestic Violence Resource Centers and a member of the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence. The nonprofit organization supports people impacted by domestic abuse, dating violence and stalking through housing and legal advocacy, education and prevention programs, and a 24/7 helpline. New Hope empowers clients by providing options and treating everyone with care and respect. The organization serves Sagadahoc, Lincoln, Knox and Waldo counties.