I need a laugh
After a sad week last week with our matriarch, longtime co-worker, boss, mentor and friend Mary Brewer passing away so suddenly, I decided I need a few laughs this week.
One of my favorite stand-up comedians of all time is Steven Wright, who I think I first saw perform on the "Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson. Born and raised in Massachusetts, Wright has a deadpan delivery of random thoughts and observations that crack me up. He made you think twice with some of his quips, and he would recite them with nary a smile. When he told a really good one and the audience roared in laughter, a slight smile would come across his face, but he'd go right back into his routine with a serious tone.
One of the great benefits of our time is the internet, where, if you want a laugh, you can look up funny videos, quotes, stories, jokes and more. Googling Steven Wright quotes, I found the following attributed to him – and they still make me smile. Hopefully they will make you smile or laugh when you read them. It won't be the same without seeing him deliver them, but go to YouTube if you want to see a video or two of his act.
"Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories."
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
"If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?"
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time,' so I ordered French toast at the time of the Renaissance."
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
"Everywhere is in walking distance if you have the time."
"I like to reminisce with people I don't know."
"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?"
"I poured spot remover on my dog and now he's gone."
"If a man says something in the woods, and there is no women there, is he still wrong?"
"If the people in Poland are called Poles, why aren’t the people from Holland called Holes?"
"Why do you press harder on the remote when you know the batteries are dead?"
Almost done.
"How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?"
"I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.'"
One more.
"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?"
Come on, you had to smile when you read at least one of these!
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