Why doesn’t she just leave?

Or, if the domestic violence victim being talked about is a man, you might hear, or ask, the same question: Why doesn’t he just leave?

With all the reasons in the world to leave, like for their safety and happiness, why someone hasn't just walked away from an abusive relationship can seem a mystery, and a frustrating one, until you break it down. 

As Wiscasset Newspaper and Boothbay Register keep shining the purple light on Domestic Violence Awareness Month, our websites’ domestic violence resources page and its links answer the why question. It in great part comes down to control, in its many forms, including physical, sexual and emotional abuse; isolation from family and friends; and separation from work and money.

New Hope For Women’s homepage calls domestic violence “a system of behaviors used by one person to control another's actions and feelings. An abuser uses physical and sexual abuse, or the fear of it, to get and maintain control over his partner. Over time, the violence usually becomes more dangerous, and the attacks more frequent.”

Another site our resource page links to, National Resource Center on Domestic Violence, states: “Domestic violence is best understood as a pattern of abusive behaviors–including physical, sexual, and psychological attacks as well as economic coercion–used by one intimate partner against another (adult or adolescent) to gain, maintain, or regain power and control in the relationship. Batterers use of a range of tactics to frighten, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, often injure, and sometimes kill a current or former intimate partner.”

All of these tactics sure sound like they could make just leaving not as easy as it sounds. 

We hope our resources page can help people in abusive relationships and aid their loved ones in helping them seek help. Information is a powerful thing. It can be a start toward regaining safety and the freedom and hope that come with controlling our own lives.